I know I have not been posting or writing for more than a month. It was deliberate and I have no excuse other than taking care of my wellness and sanity.
I needed to live. I needed to breathe.
I needed to be with people I choose to be with. I needed to be rid of social obligations that just weighed me down.
I needed to let go of people who were not good for me.
I was trying to avoid my usual crash-and-burn phase.
And I didn’t want to lie about it.
The Spain trip did me a whole lot of good. It afforded me time to be with Arshad, outside of our day-to-day grind, only to be reminded that I married someone that I perfectly get along with, in terms of habits, preferences and rhythm.
It also allowed me to reflect on my choices and path, and that I can change decisions immediately without looking back. That reflections should be made, but not regrets.
I hope to write more often, but between writing and saving my sanity and myself, I’m gonna have to choose the latter.
I’m borrowing what the poet Brittin Oakman wrote:
“I lied and said I was busy.
I was busy;
but not in a way most people understand.
I was busy taking deeper breaths.
I was busy silencing irrational thoughts.
I was busy calming a racing heart.
I was busy telling myself I am okay.
Sometimes, this is my busy –
and I will not apologize for it.”
Perfectly said. Except that I don’t want to lie about it, because I deserve the break and momentary bouts of silence.